I'll Keep It
by DraGonMistress704
Summary: kagome confesses, gets confused, and goes own. inuyasha makes a choice. major gushiness! (one shot)


Awwwww...  
  
Kagome sat staring at the ground. The ground was wet, fresh from recent rain. Her butt was wet too, but it didn't matter. Nor did the tears that fell from her chin, adding their moisture to the ground. She just didn't get it. How could he still go to see her? How could he even stand the sight of her? Kagome couldn't stand the sight her, but for different reasons. Did Kikyou just draw him to her? Like with a spell or something? Why was she playing games like this? Didn't she see that it was playing with his mind, his broken heart from long ago? Was he so blind? So blind as to not to see what she has become? Kagome knew that Kikyou's heart no longer answered Inuyasha's. That had ended long ago. His never called but there was always a gleam of hope that Kikyou would remember what they had. And Kagome couldn't stand it. She wanted him, she wanted him so badly. But there was a blockage, a barrier to what she could have. Kikyou. No, she didn't wish the priestess dead, I mean she was already, but she didn't want her gone gone. She couldn't think that of anyone. She just wanted Inuyasha to look at her, just look at her for once. She looked to the night sky. It was like a giant velvet blanket covering the world, with small holes poked through to shine some light for the blind. She couldn't even comprehend the expanse of space, the everlasting void that they live in. its limit was beyond the reach of any hand. Yet she reached to the sky with a soft hand, wishing she could touch the softness of space. There you felt nothing, didn't need to. It was like nirvana, but so much more. Kagome pulled back the hand to find it shaking. she just stared at it, random thoughts floating in and out of her consciousness. Her heart pumped blood into her body keeping her alive. But not her soul. It felt empty, because it was missing something. And she knew what it was, but she didn't know how to fill chasm that was her soul. The wind blew in, whispering incoherent things in her ears, like it wanted to share secrets. She had come to the decision to tell him a while ago, but never had the courage to do it. But now, it was different. On this night, where the rain left its mark and the wind telling her to speak, the time was right. She'll drop the first shoe, and wait for the second.  
  
Inuyasha came back and found her there, under the God tree. He found her sitting on the wet ground, in her jeans and white tank top and black sweater. He remembered how he reacted to that when she came out of the well. Could people actually where things that tight? He had looked her over, hoping that she didn't notice that he remained on her breasts for a bit too long. He complained of course, but she said it was more practical than her school uniform. She didn't know he liked that uniform, since if she sat the wrong way or fell; he got a full view of her underwear. But there she sat, under the Tree, staring at her hand. She had the most beautiful expression on, one of understanding and doubt, of sadness and tears. Even in the whole year he had known her, she was never more sadly beautiful than this. He hesitated, not sure that Miroku was right, that she did want to talk. Especially after he talked with Kikyou. He didn't know why she even came this time. He had made it obvious that he didn't want her, that he found another. Of course she yelled and threatened, but he knew she couldn't do anything. So he walked away from her. When he returned to the village, Miroku had told him Kagome had left and that maybe she wanted to be left alone. But the look in his eyes told Inuyasha to follow her. And he did. He had followed her scent to the tree, where she often went to think and relax, as well as he did. But he sensed it was different now, it was something in the air. He let her come to her senses, starlight reflecting off her pale skin, her deep brown eyes bright. When she looked at him, he felt his heart pounded harder. Gods she's beautiful. Even more so than Kikyou was, more than anything he's seen. He knew she was upset, and usually she made that obvious every time he saw Kikyou, but she remained quiet, the trials from her tears drying on her face. He needed to explain that everything was different now, he was different. He wanted to tell all.  
  
She got up and stood, her expression the same. She wanted to be held desperately, but she needed to say what she wanted to say, and nothing is going to stop her.  
  
"Kagome..." he began.  
  
"No, don't speak. It's my turn to say something. Like I should have done a while ago." Her tone worried him. It was flat, with just a touch of sadness. Something's wrong. He wanted to approach her, but was afraid she'd turn away. So he stayed still, letting her have her say.  
  
She stared at the ground, not wanting to see his face when she spoke. "Inuyasha, it is no doubt that I am upset that you would go to see Kikyou. You have that right and I have mine. But I want to speak my mind to you, and tell you what I needed to say months ago. But first I ask, why do you go? Even after she has done all she has done, you still go. Do you still love her? Well, no matter. I can respect your feelings, your privacy. But even after all this time, all the truths revealed, I still don't understand your relationship with her. I just...can't take it anymore! I can't take what she does!" his eyes went wide and her's teared. "Why can't you see? Can you not tell? She's playing with you! Like a cat with a mouse. And I have sat back and watched it all. Watched you be broken again and again because you feel the need to save her. And I'm not saying you shouldn't, but she just...doesn't feel anymore. She's not the same. And you should know, you knew her before all of us. You told me she was a serious person, who knew right from wrong. But its like now, she doesn't care which is which. And she has betrayed you time and again. I and I stand here, by your side, and take it, and watch it till it drives me crazy. But this is getting off topic. Inuyasha, I have spent a whole year with you, stood by your side through thick and thin. I have grown to respect you and you have become one of my truest and dearest friends. But tonight that ends here." she saw the shock the hurt, but he has yet to know. "I want to move forward. My heart everyday is light when I'm with you. And every time you insult me, it hurts a little but not much, because you don't mean it, I know. And now it is time to truly let you know, for it is your decision. You've taught me so many things. I've grown so much mentally and physically. And now that I've found myself, it's your turn. I see you struggle everyday with the past and present and it hurts me to see it. So I'm going to let you center yourself. Because what I'm going to say will knock you off center, so I'll say it now." She stepped up to him and looked him straight in the eyes. His were confusion and hurt, hers were confidence and doubt.  
  
"Inuyasha...I...love you. I love you. Love you with every fiber of my being, with all my heart. I would give my soul for you, if only to save you. It actually hurts how much I want you, how much I love. And I'm leaving, to give you time." she walked past the shocked hanyou, and turned back. "I'm leaving my heart in your hands. Whether you chose to keep it or give it back is up to you." And she walked out of the forest and jumped down the well to her time. She came out the other side and climbed the ladder. And she stood there, staring at the ground with painful eyes. Her fists balled and her body shook. Her breath shortened and her heart ached. She fell against the well side and curled into a ball of sorrow. She cried silently to herself. Much later, she walked into a dark house, up to her room, and fell into an exhausted dreamless sleep.  
  
He was cold. He was hollow. And his heart throbbed sweetly. She loved him. He wanted to follow, but knew he mustn't. It would only make it worse for her. But...she loved him. And she had no idea of how long he had waited to hear that. He fell to his knees and hands, silent tears sliding down his cheeks. He wanted so bad to go to her, but she had been so...sorrowful. She didn't want him to follow, not tonight. He jumped to his favorite branch in the tree and let the night take his mind deeper. Deeper into himself and his soul. And all he could think about is how beautiful she is, how brave, how smart, how caring, how helpful she is, and how much he loved her in return.  
  
~*~ Sango looked out the hut window again, a worried expression on her face. They should have returned by now, or at least one of them. Shippo sat in the corner playing with his toys, wondering if Kagome was all right. Miroku looked like he was meditating, but he was very aware of Sango's nervousness. She kept fidgeting and looking out the window, wanting to see if Kagome needed her or something. But Miroku had warned her not to disturb them. Actually he put great emphasis on it. She frowned. Did Miroku know something? A few more minutes, and Sango couldn't take it anymore.  
  
"Miroku-sama" she turned him, "I'm worried. I mean, at least one of them would have back by now. If Kagome went home, then she would have told us, and Inuyasha would be here moping. Do you think something happened?"  
  
Giving up on being calm, he sighed. He was feeling at bit uneasy at their absence. Maybe something did happen. Nonsense. "I'm sure their fine Sango- chan. Maybe it's a longer discussion this time. Kagome-chan did look particularly upset this time."  
  
"That's what I mean!" Sango hissed, "Kagome's been acting weird these last few days. She's been more depressed and thoughtful. And remember the last youkai we fought? She totally missed it with her arrow! And that's not like her. She was distracted and she's never distracted in a fight. Something's wrong I know it! And I'm going to find out."  
  
She got up but Miroku held up a hand to stop her. "No, I'll go. I know Inuyasha gets stupid when they fight so I know what to do."  
  
Sango watched him go and listened as his footsteps disappeared. She wanted to follow, but she stayed put. For some reason, she felt it better if she stayed behind.  
  
"Sango-chan?" she turned to Shippo, "Kagome's going to be alright isn't she?"  
  
"I hope so Shippo-chan, I hope so." She looked back out the window worried.  
  
~*~ Miroku walked slowly to the god tree, where he saw Kagome run off to. Sango's words ringed in his head. She had been acting strange the last few days. And he was sure Inuyasha had something to do with it. He always did. When he came upon the clearing with the god tree, he saw no one was there. He was curious, but figured that they left already. He turned but then heard something. A sigh. He looked up and found Inuyasha sitting on a branch looking to the sky. Wait, Inuyasha never sighed, even in their fights before. Ok, now he was worried.  
  
Inuyasha heard the jingle of Miroku's staff as he approached the tree. He didn't look, but kept his gaze on the stars. "Miroku?"  
  
Miroku stopped "yes Inuyasha?"  
  
Inuyasha pulled his knees closer to his chest. "I don't know what to do."  
  
Miroku was silent, surprised beyond words. What had happened? "About what?"  
  
"About how to tell her."  
  
"Hold on Inuaysha," Miroku held up his hands, "I have no idea what you're trying to say, so start from the beginning. What happened with Kagome?"  
  
Inuyasha jumped down from his branch with a thud and sat down. The look on his face wasn't exactly cheery. "Sit" he said. Not wanting to upset him, and wanting every detail, Miroku sat next to his hanyou friend and paid attention.  
  
"Kagome went home, but not without giving me something to think about. Miroku, when I came to the tree, she was here, lost in her own world. She told me that she was leaving so I could center myself or something like that. She was the calmest person I've ever seen. And she told me something that really made me happy, but she didn't see it." Inuyasha turned to the monk, "she told me she loved me."  
  
Miroku wasn't surprised but pleased. So this is what made Inuyasha so eerily calm. "And how do you feel about that?"  
  
He smiled, "like I'm the luckiest person in the world. I'd never thought it would be true. I mean, I'm just a hanyou, a nothing. I'm neither demon nor human. I'm accepted nowhere. But she fell in love with me. With me."  
  
"You're not nothing, Inuyasha. You have friends and a woman who loves you. And I'm sure she thought you weren't a nothing when she met you. I've seen the way she acts towards you, and the looks even though she tries and hides it. I've known for a while that her feelings were getting bigger the more time she spent with you. I just can't figure out why you never saw it." This made Inuyasha snort. "But Inuyasha, I don't understand, why are you not with her? You should be rejoicing your love for one another."  
  
Inuyasha looked at the ground sadly. "She wants to be alone I can tell. The way she looked at me told me not to follow. You know, she still worries about Kikyou, if I still love her."  
  
"And do you?"  
  
"No, I don't, and I've made that clear to Kikyou herself. I just feel obligated to save her soul, put her to rest."  
  
"And did you make it clear to Kagome?"  
  
Inuyasha froze. "Oh gods! I'm so stupid! Why am I so stupid? Why didn't I?"  
  
"Well, naturally your just stupid," Inuyasha growled at him, "but I don't think that's the case. From what you told me, you were just being bombarded with new information that was too big to handle, so you didn't even think of telling her. It only occurs to you now because you've been thinking about it."  
  
That made sense. But Inuyasha wasn't sure. He still felt guilty that he didn't tell Kagome. But she wanted to be alone. What was he going to do?  
  
"Hup," Miroku got up, "I'm retiring for the night, you staying here?" Inuyasha nodded.  
  
"Well, good night Inuyasha." Miroku walked back to the hut. He couldn't wait to tell Sango.  
  
~*~ Kagome woke the next afternoon somewhere around 3. She had never slept so long, and it still didn't make her feel better. Still in the clothes she wore yesterday, she went downstairs to ease her growling stomach. She was surprised to see no one there. When she passed the table she found a note from her mother:  
  
Kagome,  
  
Me, Souta, and Jii-chan went to visit your aunt for the day. If your home, just throw out this note. There's some Oden in the fridge from last night if you're hungry.  
  
Love, Mama  
  
Kagome almost collapsed in relief. Oden! How long has it been since she's had Oden? She sobered. But she really wasn't in the mood. As much as she loved Oden, it just didn't seem appropriate for what she was feeling. She had a better idea. So she went to the freezer and pulled out a gallon container of ice cream. She went to the drawer and grabbed a spoon. And she gorged herself in sweet tasting sorrow. She sat somewhere on the shrine porch and wallowed away the rest of the double cookie dough fudge swirl gallon of ice cream. When she scraped the last of it from the bottom, her stomach was full, but her heart was still empty.  
  
So she sat sprawled out on the porch, and doubted what she had done. Was it right? Was she right to pour her heart out and maybe have it shoved back in her face? And he really didn't look all the happy that she had told him she loved him. Well, she really didn't stick around to see, but she just had to get out of there. She wanted to appear calm for him, in control and knew what she wanted. But in truth, she didn't completely know what she wanted. She wanted him, that she knew. She loved him. But what about him? What were his feelings? She suddenly wished her cousin Kaoru was there, to help her and talk to her.  
  
She smiled as she imaged how Karou would react. 'What? You love him? Well, that's wonderful! You finally met a guy! What? He didn't say anything?! How the hell could you not say anything to that! I mean, what guy in his right mind would just let you walk away? You know what? Just forget it. I'm going to pick up a bottle of wine, come back, and get you on your first drinking bout, and we're just going to complain about men in general. And let me tell you, we're going to be going all night long!' then Karou would go get some wine and force her to drink it so she could pump some information from Kagome about the guy. She would then get drunk herself and they would laugh themselves to tears about Karou's past relationships and how she ended them. She really missed her robust 18-year-old cousin. She always made Kagome feel better. But it was probably best that Kaoru not know about Inuyasha. Kagome didn't know how she'd react that him. She spaced out for another hour, watched the shadows deepen and the orange and golds of the setting sun trace its finger along the walls. Then on impulse, she got up and walked into the house. Kagome went up to the attic and rummaged through boxes. It had to be here.  
  
When she came upon an old dark brown box, that said 'dad', she slowed down. She gently pulled out the aging box and opened its flaps. And there on top, was her father's old bomber jacket that he'd found at a flea market. Her mother had laughed herself silly when he brought it home one winter. And he had worn it every winter after that. It was worn dark leather, crinkled in every spot possible. The inside had worn thin with use and the cuffs and collar had curled slightly. But he had worn it no matter what. Kagome caressed the surface lightly, and then picked it up lovingly. She brought it to her nose, filling her nostrils with his familiar cologne and his scent. It had faded some, but it was still there. She looked at it for a few seconds, then going on her impulse, wrapped it around her. It engulfed her, her arms like twigs in the sleeves. She cuddled into it, wanting to feel him, to see him one more time. Hot tears poked out the corners of her eyes. Oh dad! Why? Why did you have to go? And now, when I need you most, you're not here. She rubbed her cheek against the jacket, imaging it was his hands comforting her and wiping her tears away. Lost in a sad haze, she walked out with the jacket still on, down the stairs, out the house and to under the God tree, where she had left Inuyasha standing 500 years in the past. She stared at the tree for some time, then put her hands in the pockets of the jacket. She paused. From the right pocket she pulled out a piece of paper. She unfolded it, curious, then gasped. It was a note, with a locket folded into it. She looked at the locket then read the note. Tears welled up as she read:  
  
Dear Kagome, I got this especially for you. I hope you like it. Fly away my little bird in a cage, but always sing for me. Love, Dad  
  
Kagome quickly opened the locket. She covered her mouth, little gasps escaping. She collapsed to her knees in tears. But she kept staring into the locket. Inside, was a small picture of her, somewhere around five or six, and her father. On the other side was an engraving "Love Ya Kid, Dad" and a date "1993". Her lips trembled and she traced the picture with her finger. He was so handsome. Strong face, jet-black hair, and bright hazel eyes. His smile still dazzled, even in the locket. And pressed against his cheek, a little girl with raven hair and a carefree smile, happy as can be. Now that little girl had grown into a lovesick, demon killing, miko reincarnated 16 year old. She had friends 500 years in the past where she only had to pass through a magic well to be with them. And she loved a hanyou named Inuyasha.  
  
She leaned her back against the tree, shoulders jerking as sobs ranked her body. She brought her knees up to her chest and cried for everything that she was worth. In her hand, the locket was grasped tightly. She didn't hear the gentle footsteps.  
  
~*~ Inuyasha couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't see her, he was going to explode. He had to tell her, everything. It meant so much to him. So he jumped down the well, past the swirls of pink and blue lights, and to the other side. He was greeted by the sound of crickets and passing cars. He climbed to the top of the well, and sniffed. Salt. He smelled salt. The salt of tears. He listened and picked up the sound of ragged sobs. Kagome! He sped out of the well shrine and looked either way. Then he saw her. She was curled up against the God tree, crying herself to pieces. He cautiously approached, not wanting to disturb her. He stood a while there in front of her, while she cried her heart out. He wanted so desperately to hold her. He saw her hand clutched around something. A thin gold chain trailed out the side of her hand. And she was surrounded by a large shirt or something, that made her look smaller compared to it. When she looked like she was about spent, he spoke.  
  
"Kagome?" she looked up surprised. She quickly wiped her tears on her father's jacket and stood up. She couldn't peel her eyes away. At some point it had turned night, with the stars sparkling again. The starlight teased Inuyasha's hair making it shine lightly, his golden eyes shining with concern. He looked magnificent, like a god. And to Kagome, that's what he was. He was her god, her everything, her world. She just hoped it wouldn't come crashing down on her. Again.  
  
Inuyasha felt his heart sigh. She was so...anything. Beautiful, wonderful, womanly, magnificent, warm. His. She stood there, in the clothes she wore last he saw her, except with the large jacket, in front of the god tree, like last time. But this time, he was going to make it right. For both of them.  
  
As they stared at each other, mesmerized by each other, the clouds rolled back by a wind, and a sliver of a moon could be seen, shining light on the stage of their encounter. It shined off the chain of Kagome's locket, Inuyasha's silver hair, Kagome's yet to be spilled tears. Unknown to them, Kagome's heart called to his, and Inuyasha's answered. He took a deep breath. And everything he wanted to say left his mind, wiping it blank. Only one thing was clear. Kagome. He stepped toward her, their bodies almost brushing. Kagome was very aware of the heat radiating off of him. In response hers grew warm. She looked up and deep into his eyes.  
  
"Kagome," his voice sure and husky, "you told me you'd leave me so I could center myself. Well, I have. And you also told me that you'd leave your heart in my hands, choosing whether to take it or give it back." Kagome's heart pounded and she pressed the locket to her chest. Please dad, don't let it be. Please.  
  
"Well," he leaned closer to her face, "I've decided. I'm going to keep it. Only question is, will you take mine in return?" she smiled unbelievingly and she breathed a sigh. He stroked her face with a claw. It sent shivers down her spine. "Kagome, I would give my soul for you, but I can't, because you are my soul. You're my sky, my air, my earth, my heart, my everything! And I would never give you up."  
  
The tears on Kagome's cheeks fell happily. And she did what she always wanted to do. She kissed him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, the locket still gripped tight in her hand. He in return, wrapped his arms around her, his heart pumping faster and faster in glee, in absolute bliss. They stayed that way till it was time to come up for air. They parted, gasping for breath. They stared once again into each other's eyes and found the same thing. Love. True, untainted love.  
  
This time, Inuyasha went for the kiss. Except this time he took it deeper and Kagome responded. As their lips parted, he slide his tongue over hers, and she his. He pressed her closer to him, wanting to never leave this spot for all eternity. They kissed passionately, lovingly, grasping each other, never wanting to let go. When they parted again, Kagome held him tight in a hug. Tears of joy fell freely. When they loosened each other they looked at each other passionately. Kagome brought the locket to her lips and kissed it. Thank you dad. Thank you for everything.  
  
"What's that?" Inuyasha lifted the locket from her palm and gave it close inspection. It was gold and opened to show a really detailed and small painting of a man and a little girl pressed cheek to cheek, smiles of joy across their faces. The girl looked familiar.  
  
"That's my father" Kagome replied, "and that is me."  
  
So that's it. He smiled. "And yet you were still cute." She blushed.  
  
"So...what do you think Miroku and Sango will say?"  
  
He shrugged, "Who cares?" He put the locket around Kagome's neck and he pulled her into another wonderful kiss. He never felt more alive.  
  
~*~:: as you can tell Karou is made up. I just felt like adding it. And I made up her dad thing too. Oh it s gushy!!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!::~*~ 


End file.
